My Apologies...

OK, so I am sorry for the rant. That was a little melodramatic on my part.

But for real for real, I am very frustrated lately. I felt like I had this wild epiphany a week ago to work abstractly and I felt like a genius and totally wild and enlightened. Then I went to bed, woke up, and realized how stupid it all looked. Now I am back to painting fruit and gourds. Not that I don't love painting food, I really do. I actually make a living doing that very thing at Trader Joe's and thoroughly enjoy it. I just feel like I haven't grown much as an artist lately/since I graduated. I have all these wild dreams and aspirations and I feel like I am going to have a hard time accomplish them painting large paintings of fruit and gourds.

I feel like I need a week free of agenda for me to accomplish things. Like cleaning my mess of a room, making art, applying to grad schools, planning italy, and being awesome. I haven't done any of those things in so long. I'm sitting here in a mess of a room, totally frustrated and terrified to tackle this monster (it's actually not that bad... I cleaned a lot of it the other day, the rest is just what hasn't found a place yet... and so far there's no hope of finding one...)

I also want to start singing. However, I am totally shy, bashful, and embarrassed to do so, so this will probably never go further than me singing loudly in my car. The only people who will probably witness my singing will be strangers in cars stopped at red lights near me or driving on the highway next to me. This is good news for people who know me since they probably will never hear me sing, but unfortunate for the unlucky drivers around me. My apologies to the Philadelphia area.

So... an idea occurred to me as I was typing. Hey Self, stop typing... find a free spot of floor in your room (dramatization, I promise).... stand there... and start to clean. Yes! Brilliant! THEN!... get your sketchbook out of its new "place" and ... DRAW! Amazing! How did I ever think of this?! Self, you are brilliant and awesome.

By the way, for the 2.3 people who might skim through this, if you have reached this point you are not crazy. I am just seriously sleep deprived, moody, depressed over the Phillies loss and the end of baseball season (in my eyes), hungry, chilly, and seriously tired. Thanks for being a pal and reading, I hope it at least provided a few minutes of amusement. Gah.