Aside from getting a nice little tan and a ton of relaxation, the best thing was that I was able to clear my head (for the most part at least). I left everything at home-- friends, work, artwork, past relationships, stress, sadness, whatever had been on my mind before I left. And even better yet, I've been home for almost 24 hrs and none of that has returned yet. I'm loving it! I watched the final episode of Work of Art last night that I had DVR'ed, and loved it. I loved all of the pieces they showed in their final show and definitely agreed with the winner, although I think I would have agreed no matter who won... they were all great I think. But afterwards, like always, I tried to figure out what I would do. I've been having a hard time lately trying to figure out why I make art and what I'm trying to say with it. Up until my senior year, I focused on art because I loved it and I was good at it. I've never really had a real message with my art- aside from my love of making it- until my Senior Thesis. And since then, I've been seriously worried that that was the greatest piece I'll have ever made. I have had a hard time being inspired since then and a hard time coming up with pieces and projects. I can't focus or finish anything without getting bored with it and losing interest. Even most of my Italy paintings lose my interest after awhile... because I don't know what I'm trying to say with them besides how badly I want to be there.
But last night while I was lying in bed I think I came up with something. It's still in the early stages, and still way too personal for me to really share what my plans are though. However, I will say that it will be a big jump from anything I've ever done and may look nothing like what people think of me. To be totally honest, I'm terrified to start it and don't know when I actually will. I almost feel like it's too private/personal to even start at home. I don't really want anyone involved yet. I just feel like this piece or series with be a big help to me.
In the past few months, I've had 2 people who have meant more than the world to me tell me that it seems like I either hide all of my feelings, or it seems like I don't have any, and they don't know how to talk to me. It sucks. I think this new project will address that and hopefully put those opinions to rest. Now it's just to decide when to start.