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15 August 2010

A New Leap in Art

So I just got back from an amazing week of vacation where I slacked off in every responsible aspect of my life, except for my responsibility to relax and enjoy myself-- that I made sure to do. I drew one time and it was awful and I didn't finish. But that's fine, I can work on it at home if I want to. The week was full of beach, seafood, books, water, wine, and aloe vera. I only got a little sunburnt on one day, and the rest of my beach days were glorious... minus the UNBELIEVABLY hot sun! I don't ever remember the sun scorching like that. I also don't ever remember a vacation to Hilton Head where we didn't venture out of Palmetto Dunes. There was literally only two times we left the plantation/resort/community area we always stay in: 1.) for some shopping that was only semi-successful, and 2.) for gelato, which was also only semi-successful (not a great gelato experience, but what else would you expect not in Italy?). And to be honest, I had absolutely no problem with our lack of excursions. I was hoping for a quick trip to Savannah, but once we were there and settled I was fine with just staying in. Our house was a 150 yd walk to the beach, and a 50 yd walk to the lagoon, where we sat at least once a day to either fish or just sit on the dock. One night we actually saw an alligator in the lagoon (there haven't been alligator sightings in the lagoon in yearsssssssss!). It freaked my brother out a little, especially since we had taken a canoe ride in the same lagoon that very morning. Whatever. We're home now with all limbs and digits intact.

Aside from getting a nice little tan and a ton of relaxation, the best thing was that I was able to clear my head (for the most part at least). I left everything at home-- friends, work, artwork, past relationships, stress, sadness, whatever had been on my mind before I left. And even better yet, I've been home for almost 24 hrs and none of that has returned yet. I'm loving it! I watched the final episode of Work of Art last night that I had DVR'ed, and loved it. I loved all of the pieces they showed in their final show and definitely agreed with the winner, although I think I would have agreed no matter who won... they were all great I think. But afterwards, like always, I tried to figure out what I would do. I've been having a hard time lately trying to figure out why I make art and what I'm trying to say with it. Up until my senior year, I focused on art because I loved it and I was good at it. I've never really had a real message with my art- aside from my love of making it- until my Senior Thesis. And since then, I've been seriously worried that that was the greatest piece I'll have ever made. I have had a hard time being inspired since then and a hard time coming up with pieces and projects. I can't focus or finish anything without getting bored with it and losing interest. Even most of my Italy paintings lose my interest after awhile... because I don't know what I'm trying to say with them besides how badly I want to be there.

But last night while I was lying in bed I think I came up with something. It's still in the early stages, and still way too personal for me to really share what my plans are though. However, I will say that it will be a big jump from anything I've ever done and may look nothing like what people think of me. To be totally honest, I'm terrified to start it and don't know when I actually will. I almost feel like it's too private/personal to even start at home. I don't really want anyone involved yet. I just feel like this piece or series with be a big help to me.

In the past few months, I've had 2 people who have meant more than the world to me tell me that it seems like I either hide all of my feelings, or it seems like I don't have any, and they don't know how to talk to me. It sucks. I think this new project will address that and hopefully put those opinions to rest. Now it's just to decide when to start.

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